The Complete Prose of Woody Allen
I have a bit of a strange relationship with the phenomenon that is Woody Allen. As a comedy writer and student of things comedic, I want to enjoy his films. I recognize the talent contained within, and I actually kinda dig those pre-Annie Hall flicks, when he was just plain silly and didn’t whine quite so much.
But much like Quentin Tarantino, Allen thinks that because we enjoy his words, we must also therefore enjoy his presence. It only took Tarantino a few films to work out that we’d rather he stay behind the camera and shut up. Allen doesn’t seem to have learned this lesson still, after over thirty years of onscreen neurosis. And so, the vast majority of his ouvre remains unwatched by me, for fear of otherwise good writing being ambushed by the irritating little dude.
But this book — a collection of three comedic volumes he put together in the sixties and seventies — is the perfect forum for appreciating his genuine comedic talents. Addressing a broad range of topics from history to philosophy to various aspects of high culture, The Complete Prose of Woody Allen serves up Dave Barry-esque 3-page essays that you can’t help laughing at.
Yes, I realize this volume predates Barry’s column. But I suspect you’ve read more essays by Dave Barry than you have by Woody Allen. He’s become sort of the gold standard of short essay writing. Unfortunately, much as I did with the columns of Dave Barry, I found myself growing a bit tired of the same basic setup/payoff after a prolonged exposure to this material. It’s probably not best consumed in large chunks, since it’s easier to see the patterns (and therefore see the punchlines coming) this way. No, this book would probably be best served in the magazine rack next to your toilet. And that’s not an insult at all.
Probably the most hilarious bit, worth the price of admission by itself, is Allen’s take on the Old Testament:
And so he [Abraham] took Isaac to a certain place and prepared to sacrifice him but at the last minute the Lord stayed Abraham’s hand and said, “How could thou doest such a thing?”
And Abraham said, “But thou said—”
“Never mind what I said,” the Lord spake. “Doth thou listen to every crazy idea that comes thy way?” And Abraham grew ashamed. “Er—not really… no.”
“I jokingly suggest thou sacrifice Isaac and thou immediately runs out to do it.”
And Abraham fell to his knees, “See, I never know when you’re kidding.”