In an attempt to wrap up my recent 98 episode trek through the 80s Transformers series, I have assembled this list of my 10 favorite and least favorite episodes. Enjoy, won’t you?
Ten Best Episodes of “G1” Transformers
1. Starscream’s Brigade
The bad guys were always much more interesting than the good guys, and stories where bad guys fight other bad guys were the best stories of all. Two years of watching Starscream try to stab Megatron in the back and fail finally come to a head here. Tired of ‘screamer’s crap, Megatron orders him exiled to an island in the south Pacific, where he discovers the wreckage of a World War 2 battle. This gives him the most awesome idea of all: build an army (the Combaticons) and challenge Megatron head-on. Naturally (inevitably) he loses, but it’s a hell of a ride to that point. Sure, the episode has a few gaping plot holes, but in the end, it delivers everything I ever wanted from a Transformers episode: character conflict, big fucking fights (Devastator vs. Bruticus vs. Menasor!) and (because I never fooled myself for a second that this show was anything but a thinly disguised commercial) new toys.
2. Five Faces of Darkness
I realize it’s cheating to count a five-part episode once, but who wants to read a top 10 list where five items are from the same big story? Now, let’s not kid ourselves: Five Faces had some serious issues. In terms of overall production value, it may be the worst thing this series produced. Fortunately the writing makes up for it, delivering a story almost as enthralling as the movie it served as a sequel to. Not only do we get a proper introduction to the large cast of characters we’ll be seeing in season three, but we also, for the first time, get an exploration of the backstory of the entire Transformers race. The key element here is the Quintessons, a malevolent race of tentacle bastards, briefly seen in the movie. Turns out they created the entire Transformers race and, in the grandest traditions of science fiction, were driven from their home when their creations turned on them. Between this (which I always felt was a much better backstory than the mystical mumbo jumbo the comics delivered), the non-stop action that carries through all five parts and some surprisingly mature dialogue, Five Faces is so much better than the shitty animation would lead you to believe it is.
3. Dark Awakening
I was never – even as a kid – especially impressed with Optimus Prime. But this story, where he’s resurrected as an evil zombie so that the Autobots just have to kill him all over again, was surprisingly moving. Rodimus Prime (a character who never got the credit he deserves among fans, in my opinion) is given a dilemma straight out of classic mythology: to become the leader he knows he needs to be, he must first murder his predecessor. My only suggestion: ignore “The Return of Optimus Prime,” which follows up these events and completely cheapens everything that happened here. In and of itself, “Dark Awakening” is a surprisingly – well, dark – episode of the series.
4. The Key to Vector Sigma
A trip back to Cybertron! New teams! Alpha Trion! Yeah, it’s not hard to figure out why I like this two-parter. This was the point at which season two really picked up some momentum and took the show from good to great (at least to 11 year old me).
5. The Burden Hardest to Bear
A surprisingly sophisticated character piece, in which Rodimus Prime must finally deal with the chip on his shoulder and accept – once and for all – that he truly is worthy of being chosen to lead the Autobots. Of all the characters throughout Transformers, Rodimus is really the only one with a proper dramatic arc – watching his progression from inexperienced punk to reluctant and slightly awkward leader to self-assured commander makes you feel like you’re watching a show made for grown-ups. And then they just bring back Optimus Prime and ruin the whole thing. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
6. Ghost in the Machine
Starscream is undoubtedly my favorite character of the entire series, and I was willing to look past my usual distaste for robot mysticism in the name of bringing him back. But the pending return of ‘screamer is only the beginning – the stakes in this episode are surprisingly high, as he makes a deal with Unicron to regain his corporeal form. Had this one been expanded to a two-parter and animated with a little more care, it may very well have landed in my top spot.
7. Dweller in the Depths
In lesser hands, this pseudo-Lovecraftian story of an ancient race of proto-Transformers emerging from the lower levels of Cybertron to turn everyone into energy vampires could have been a disaster. But this episode was written by no less than Paul Dini, one of the architects of the now-legendary Batman Animated Series and its various spinoffs.
8. Webworld
Another surprisingly mature subject – the dangers of institutionalized mental care – handled using transforming robots. Worth the price of admission to see Galvatron destroy an entire world using only the power of his rage-addled mind.
9. Auto Bop
Okay, yes: this is a stupid episode. It may very well be the stupidest episode. But that’s why it works – because it completely represents everything that made the 80s a uniquely ridiculous time for children’s entertainment. You see, the Decepticons have taken over a nightclub, where they use hypnotic music to turn humans into their slaves. What they’re using the slaves for is never made entirely clear, and it doesn’t really matter. The point is, only Tracks the Flying Corvette and his human “partner” (ahem) Raoul can stop them. God, I love this episode. I want to go watch it right now.
10. The Girl Who Loved Powerglide
I know; I’m just as surprised as you are. If you’d come to me two years ago, before I began my episode-by-episode trip through the entire series and told me that “The Girl Who Loved Powerglide” would end up in my top ten, I’d have laughed at you. And this, if nothing else, justifies my efforts. Because while 11 year old AAl might not have gotten this episode, 35 year old AAl definitely did. David Wise knows his way around basic human (robot) drama, and this episode illustrates why. It’s essentially your typical action/romantic comedy story, but with a robot playing the part of the male lead. Funny, compelling and oddly touching.
Honorable Mention: Transformers: The Movie
Unquestionably the best thing to come out of “G1” Transformers – I didn’t include it in the list proper only because it wasn’t, technically speaking, an episode. Between the amazing animation (if only the series looked this good), the derivative-but-solid story, the voice acting (Orson FUCKING Welles!) and the death of Optimus Prime, it’s pretty clear why this one’s on the short list of go-to DVDs to pop in when I’m feeling down, and won’t be leaving that list anytime soon.
Ten Worst Episodes of “G1” Transformers
1. The Return of Optimus Prime
Putting aside my general distaste for Optimus Prime (a leader who had no real strategy and seemed to rely entirely on an authoritative voice to get things done), this episode is still a mess for so many other reasons. It cheapens the one solid dramatic arc the series ever had, forcing Rodimus Prime to hand back a year’s worth of soul-searching and growth and revert back to the immature Hot Rod he started as. It further cheapens the powerful ending of “Dark Awakening” by sloppily retconning right over conflicting events that we actually saw unfold before our eyes. It pads about 20 minutes of story into two agonizingly slow parts. And it delivers one of the lamest threats the series ever dealt with – a “hatred plague,” which turns everyone it touches into a glowing red jerk. Even if you were a fan of Optimus Prime, you have to admit that this episode didn’t do his legacy any favors.
2. The Face of Nijika
Space Mongolians remove Perceptor’s Autobot insignia and install it in a tiny geisha astronaut. Um… what?
3. Carnage in C Minor
Opera singing aliens deliver a killing sound in three-part harmony. Um… what?!
4. B.O.T.
This could have been a half-decent episode, but it really wasn’t. The first half involves lovable backstabbing prick Swindle and his willingness to literally sell his fellow Combaticons. The second half deals with the brain of Brawl being installed into the high school project of three particularly annoying human characters.
5. Revenge of Bruticus
Another episode that cheapens what came before it. “Starscream’s Brigade” was a near-perfect Transformers episode, and in 22 short minutes, “Revenge of Bruticus” destroys everything that made it good. It also introduces the Protectobots, who were here all along apparently. Who knew?
6. The Core
The only episode I actually walked out on during my 98 episode journey. Even remembering this episode is so painful, I can’t bring myself to finish the
7. City of Steel
Another winner from AKOM, whose animation style was less anime-influenced and more… awful. Granted, most of season 3 was also animated by these guys, but many of those episodes at least had the advantage of solid writing to make up for it. Not so much here. There’s a half-decent story buried in this mess, involving Megatron turning New York City into a new Cybertron. Unfortunately it’s lost among awful one-liners, ridiculous premises and the aforementioned dismal animation. Seriously, this episode would have been bad for Go Bots, is how bad it is.
8. Autobot Spike
Spike’s dying, and the only thing that can save him is transplanting his brain into the body of an Autobot Frankenstein. Where do I even begin?
9. Changing Gears
The genius who brought us “Revenge of Bruticus” also penned this episode, which seems to exist entirely because somebody thought the title was cute. Yeah, the comedic premise of changing a surly character into a friendly one can be funny, if the audience has time to get to know the surly character first. I don’t think Gears had so much as a roll call name check prior to this episode.
10. Money is Everything
Despite the presence of arguably the most likeable human character in the series (Marissa Fairborne), this episode still commits the cardinal sin of bad Transformers episodes: putting the human drama above the robots. Though we do get a bit of Technobot/Terrorcon action, that stuff’s shoved into the background in favor of a standard science fiction romance story that might actually be charming someplace else. Here, it’s just an irritating distraction from the one thing we all came here to see: ROBOTS.
Honorable Mention: The Rebirth
I was very torn about adding this episode to the list – by all accounts, this 3-part series finale is not what you’d call “good.” But I do think it’s the best we could have hoped for under the circumstances. David Wise (who generally wrote solid episodes throughout season 2) was given a list of something like 100 new characters and told to deliver the final five episodes of the series while introducing them all. Then they scaled it back to three episodes. You can definitely see where he gave it the ol’ college try: the Autobots get a happy ending, we get one final Alpha Trion appearance and a solid attempt to deliver the most ridiculous premises we’ve ever had to swallow – the Headmasters. Still, at the end of the day, this was not what I’d call a good end to the series. If possible, might I recommend skipping from the end of season 3 straight into the Japanese Headmasters series? You won’t regret it.